a turquoise flower

So I have two papers due next week, both for different classes (the Modern Novel class, and a Sex, Gender, and Species in Sci-fi class), but for the same book - Atwood's Oryx and Crake. Do you think I could get away with writing just one paper and passing it in for both classes? I mean, at this point, I just want to be done with this semester, but on the other...I don't think I can get away with that; it feels like cheating. And I'm pretty sure all English professors talk to each other here.

Oh decisions, decisions.

(This is the first time this has happened in my academic career, and I'm not sure I'm brilliant enough to ramble for 5+ pages twice on the same book.)

oh fuck
graduate school will kill me if this is the attitude I have when I'm only an undergrad.
i just really want to spend all day writing fic and catching up on movies/tv i haven't seen yet, not writing analysis papers.

"The Madness Vase" 
Andrea Gibson

The nutritionist said I should eat root vegetables.
Said if I could get down thirteen turnips a day
I would be grounded, rooted.
Said my head would not keep flying away
to where the darkness lives.

The psychic told me my heart carries too much weight.
Said for twenty dollars she’d tell me what to do.
I handed her the twenty. She said, “Stop worrying, darling.
You will find a good man soon.”

The first psycho therapist told me to spend
three hours each day sitting in a dark closet
with my eyes closed and ears plugged.
I tried it once but couldn’t stop thinking
about how gay it was to be sitting in the closet.

The yogi told me to stretch everything but the truth.
Said to focus on the out breath. Said everyone finds happiness
when they care more about what they give
than what they get.

The pharmacist said, “Lexapro, Lamicatl, Lithium, Xanax.”

The doctor said an anti-psychotic might help me
forget what the trauma said.

The trauma said, “Don’t write these poems.
Nobody wants to hear you cry
about the grief inside your bones.”

But my bones said, “Tyler Clementi jumped
from the George Washington Bridge
into the Hudson River convinced
he was entirely alone.”

My bones said, “Write the poems.”

~*~


Welp...that's it. Rejected for the second time for the Nursing program. What the hell is wrong with me? Why won't they accept me?

(I know I updated yesterday, but, man, is this getting to be a stressful month and I just need somewhere to vent.)

- So, upon the tragic death of Dr. N, we didn't have class Monday or Tuesday of this week - neither the lab nor the lecture - and today was our first return to the lecture classroom since we heard about his death. And everybody is pretty much up in arms because here we are, a week before we have to take both the lecture and lab final on a very hard subject, and we didn't cover all the material (we were close to it but we didn't finish) and so we're like floundering fish on dry land.

The difficulty is no one knows what's happening now or how we can continue the normalcy for the short time we have left of microbiology. We have a professor come in - a very close friend of Dr. N's - who told us of Dr. N's death and who's going to be teaching the last few classes there are left. But while he was a very good friend of Dr. N's and knows pretty much a good portion of what Dr. N's system was, the truth of it is that he is NOT Dr. N. And therein lies the problem and hardships.

But apparently everyone else was like, "We pay money to go here, and this is not acceptable. There should be a procedure in place for when something like this happens and blah blah yadda yadda ya." God, like all these people can think about is money and I get that it's before finals week and everyone's stressed and we're all freaking out and this is college and not free education but god, again, the world is not just about us. But we are apparently a very selfish species.

- And I apparently need an English adviser. Frick. (Well, to be fair, Rodney did tell me this when I told him I wanted to pick a major, so it's not like it's surprising but I was hoping if I pretended to not know, it'd go away. Hint: it hasn't - they just e-mail you). I'm so not good at talking to professors - or ANYBODY for that matter.

- I had an extra cup of coffee today because I'm apparently useless after 10 pm and just pass out because my body apparently hates me and I can't stay up past midnight anymore. I have no idea what that is about. Except now I'm jittery and like I want to run a marathon; I am sure the crash will happen soon-ish and I will pass out and not finish studying and that will make me feel guilty in the morning. And I've been making flashcards since about five pm this afternoon and just for one class AND IT IS NEVER ENDING. SERIOUSLY IT WILL NEVER END AND I WILL LOSE WHAT'S LEFT OF MY SANITY.

So in conclusion: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*MORE FRUSTRATED CRIES*

Gosh, it's gonna be a drag to go back to school but on the other hand, I'm really very excited. (Been so bored this past summer because I literally did not do anything of importance.)

But it's also my third year of undergraduate college and I'm not looking forward to that because I still have no idea what I'm gonna do because the Nursing program seduced me, screwed me over, broke my heart in a million pieces and then laughed about it. But I'm gonna need to pick something and Rodney told me at our last counseling appointment that he has a plan B in case I don't get in, except I have no idea what this plan B is, unless it's just picking another major, which will NOT DO, it will simply not do, Rodney, it's either the Nursing program for me or I'm going to give up all my worldly possessions and go live under a rock as a hermit. And trust me, no one will want that. :/

I might as well be dramatic while freaking out.

So far my classes are:

Microbiology & Human Disease lecture + lab
Pathophysiology
Human Nutrition
Public Speaking
(And I've shared some pictures of the books for these classes here on my Tumblr.)

I'm freaking out for the Spring semester because, after these classes, I'd have finished all the prerequisites for the Nursing program and I don't know what else I'd need to choose.

I was thinking studying abroad would be awesome for the Spring semester because maybe then I can freak out in another country. We shall see.

But seriously, that hermit idea is sounding more and more appealing to me.

~*~

fannish5: Now that the summer is coming to an end (in the Northern Hemisphere), what 5 shows are you most looking forward to starting/returning?

1. The Vampire Diaries (9/15/2011)
2. Psych (10/12/2011)
3. Suburgatory (9/28/2011)
4. Terra Nova (9/26/2011)
5. The Secret Circle (9/15/2011)

and some runners up:
6. 2 Broke Girls (9/19/2011)
7. Last Man Standing (10/11/2011)
8. Once Upon a Time (10/23/2011)
9. Grimm (10/21/2011)
10. Hart of Dixie (9/26/2011)

I don't like getting into shows until I know for certain whether they're going to be cancelled during the first season or not so the latter half of the list are all new shows I'm kinda iffy about (sometimes I can't avoid getting into new shows before they're finished with the first season). But LMS has Tim Allen!!! Who I have this sort of weird crush on. I dunno. Don't ask. I don't get it either.

And the trailer for "Once Upon a Time" is making me all kinds of squeal-y because FAIRY TALES!!!!!! FINALLY A SHOW ABOUT FAIRY TALES!!!!!!! WHICH IS ABOUT DAMN TIME (because we keep getting movies and movies and books and books - which I love don't get me wrong - but no one ever thinks about a fairy tale tv show - well, until now that is). And there's also Grimm, I believe, but I haven't seen that promoted as much and I have no idea what it's about.