a turquoise flower

Excuse me while I vent a bit here.

I HATE double standards, and lemme tell ya, I get them a lot around here. For the most part, I can take it because I know my parents are deeply rooted in their old-fashioned ideals and whatnot, and it's not like they can change and it's not like I'm a confrontational person so I won't blow my top over it because that'd be childless and it won't solve anything but make me guilty later on. Although I have told my parents how much I hate that they treat me differently just because I'm a girl, and therefore inferior as opposed to my brothers. But- and I hate to admit it- they're probably right. Left to my own devices, I don't think I'd make it to my next birthday.

I know that my parents are only protecting me because there are a lot of bad things in the world, it's just kind of hard to like it in the moment, you know?

I don't know. And it's not like they baby me or anything, it's just when it comes to basic rules like when we're allowed to stay out till, and whatnot, I always get the short end of the stick. The brothers can stay out till midnight, but I can't stay out past eight unless someone is with me but my dear brothers don't have to adhere to the same rules, which just sucks because it's ridiculous. But I can't seem to do anything about it because they are right.

So basically I feel as though I'm stuck.

Just let me hope that it can get better when I'm actually an adult. (And being a few inches taller would help, you hear that Universe??)

------

This morning, twin brother and I found some ants near the potted plants in the kitchen on our way to school.

Brother promptly started to stomp on them, and I felt sad for the poor little creatures. They were just minding their own business and suddenly there's a big shoe coming down on them. It made me think of that Hey Little Ant book.

I know ants are annoying and everything, but they don't deserve to die. Sheesh.

------

So I was reading this Esme story this evening (Falling by Imogen) and I was wondering how Carlisle could have turned Esme into a vampire if she had all ready jumped off the cliff and killed herself. My question is, is it possible for a vampire in Ms. Meyer's vampire universe to turn someone if they're all ready dead? And how would that work exactly? Wouldn't something happen to your blood when you die? (I'm not sure exactly what would happen to your blood, but doesn't everything stop working?) And then when that question came to mind, I wondered how Carlisle knew to save/turn her?

Obviously, he turned her because he loved her and wanted to spend eternity with her, but when did he turn her? Is what I'm really getting at, I guess. Was it afterwards when someone realized that she had died, and Carlisle got the news from them? Or did he happen on her just minutes/hours after she jumped?

I don't think it's clear and I don't remember there being anything about it in the books. And obviously I'm curious to the point of obsession. Well, almost. ^^ I really wish there could've been/will be a bit more in the books about their history together. I'd definitely be happy.

Is it obvious that I've become a Carlisle/Esme nut right now? I think so. I just can't seem to get enough of these two. I dunno what's about them, but they grab my attention right now.

I was thinking of asking at one of the many Twilight fan communities that I joined/watch, but I don't wanna sound stupid if the answer happens to be staring me right in the face...

So, I was browsing through jukebox20 today ('cos they were spotlighted and it was about music, so I couldn't resist clicking) and it just made me think about some of my own music tastes in comparison to these two's; they are older and probably have the same taste in music as my parents, but that's okay because I actually find that their music isn't so bad (although not as current sure, but that's not the point). I'm one of those people who doesn't mind listening to anything. While I have my favorite genres and artists, I can listen to even artists and songs that I hate (I know that some people aren't like that).

My taste in music is varied and I try to give different music that I normally don't hear every day a chance. However, I don't pay much attention to genre just because I don't identify songs with their genres- it's really weird because whenever I think a song is one genre, it ends up being another (I'm talking about distinguishing between rock & pop here, for some reason, they're the same to me).

Most of my rl friends just listen to mainstream American music that's current. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with that- I love listening to it as well, but that's a bit limited from my perspective. So, while I love the current music as much as the next teenager, I also absolutely love music from the old days (even the old days when I wasn't even alive yet). I especially love 80's and 90's music. I don't know if it's because they're old and not aired on the radio as much, but the music from the earlier days has an esthetic air of quality.

I also love soundtracks- even soundtracks from the movies that I didn't like so much because I find that the reverse can be true- a film that I immensely liked might not have the music that I love, but a movie that I didn't like as much could have had all the music that I liked. Soundtracks are also useful to me because they give me more suggestions for music and the music that accompanies a movie/show also sort of tells its own story that goes with that media and I pick the soundtracks that match the vision or "story" that I get that the music tries to tell along with the movie/show---I don't even know if that even makes sense to anybody other than me. This is true for all that J-pop music that I listen to---the anime that I watch, I also listen to the music that it has and the theme songs- like the OSTs.

Also, ljs like jukebox20, give me great samples of music because no matter how much I love to listen to music, I get so very lost at music stores because there are so many choices that it's hard to see what I will truly like or what I'd waste my money on.

Not that that would stop me from trying to buy every CD from the store because I wanted it for my collection, but ya gotta stay frugal with some things (plus books have the honor of making me throw my money toward their purchase).

Not that my life is interesting or anything but I thought I should update this thing sometime...

I've noticed as people get older, they get busier. I guess it's just one of the facts of life (speaking of that, I really miss the show, and now there aren't any reruns of it; where have all the reruns run off to? XD I know I'm such a dork, but I digress).

Anyway tomorrow I have this workshop for "Impact of Language" (it's about dealing with degrading language, prejudice, and harassament). I really hope it's just for a day. Am really not interested in doing it but I have trouble saying no, especially since I was nominated for it. I just wanna know who the heck nominated me. Really, with that gigantic school, and me not knowing anybody (but I really can't blame anybody. I've only been going to it for like, what, a month?) So, now I'm stuck. But on a brighter side, I get to miss school for it. I think. I don't think it's gonna take place at the school. But the problem with that is, I'll have to make-up the work. I have a test in World Civilizations to make up after school and I'll have to catch up with my other three classes that I'll miss.

That's all for now. Time to get back to reading Naruto fanfiction. XD^_^

Alright, so Mom kind of gave me a big shocker this morning. She told me my aunt, my dad's sister, the one who lives somewhere in Eastern Europe, and has a ten year old boy already is... pregnant!

When she first came into my room to tell me, my first reaction was screaming joyously and jumping up and down, nearly running over my mother, and then after that first reaction, I thought 'oh, no, what's going to happen now'. I mean, before I moved here to America, I remember her crying all the time and being forlorn when she would visit with my little cousin. And all because of her good-for-nothing husband. He treats her horribly. He kept breaking her heart over and over again and caused her grief. Now, I don't want to accuse him of abuse, since that would be jumping to conclusions, and I learned from past experiences to not even go there. And I'm positive that he wouldn't go as far as to hurt her physically, just emotionally. But I feel as though she deserves better than him and I can safely say that I don't think I'm alone in thinking that. Dad and his brother, my other uncle, also think that she can do better than him.

As you can probably tell all ready, my aunt's husband is certainly not anywhere near the top of my favorite list. But I could be wrong, (and there's a ninety percent chance that I am) things could have worked out since I last saw her seven years ago. I certainly hope so. I hate feeling this way. But my aunt needs someone who will love her unconditionally and, quite frankly, I don't see my uncle as that man... at least not right now.

On a lighter note, the baby is going to be a girl! Yay! I'm so excited to be getting a new cousin.

*******

Which Harry Potter Marauder Are You?

Just saw it and loved it! I loved the romance and thrill of it, although the ending was a bit sad. I cried a bit. But then again I am an overly emotional person and would cry at anything. It was also a bit violent but not much. Overall, an awesome movie. ^_^ And I got a big Yoda cup at the theater! It's just common sense to have a Yoda cup at a Star Wars movie! ^)^