dahlia_moon | [February 25] [MARS] A Beautiful Secret (Reply)

Title: A Beautiful Secret
Day/Theme: February 25/ a measure of beauty
Series: MARS (the manga version)

Character/Pairing: Rei/Kira
Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 812

No one really knows all of his deepest and darkest secrets, except for Kira. Little by little, she weaves herself into his heart and he can’t help but let her in and tell her everything she wants- and needs- to know. He trusts her completely. But there is one thing that not even she knows. One thing that he has been keeping inside of himself since they first met. He plans on not telling her this one thing which she doesn’t know yet for quite a while. He doesn’t doubt their love, quite the opposite, but he’s afraid of how Kira will see him once he tells her his secret.

But one day, while he’s posing in his chair for her, she starts blushing all of a sudden and biting her lip to keep herself from giggling. He smiles to himself and is in awe of how beautiful she looks. She possesses an inner beauty which all of the other girls he had been with lacked, and he loved her that much more for her plainness. Once he gets back to reality, he gets curious as to what could be making her act like that. He prods gently, but she just shakes him off. A few more minutes of him trying to get her to talk and her not sharing anything, he finally gives up for the moment and goes back to daydreaming.

He keeps staring out of the window while she packs up her painting for the day. He gives her a smile when she comes toward him and sits herself in her his lap. Their foreheads touch and they stay like that for a while. Their mouths stray together and kiss passionately. He gently pushes away her face after a moment to catch some oxygen and strokes her hair. She goes back to kissing him and moves down toward his neck. He enjoys this immensely and everything is all right and dandy with this passion, but then her hands start moving further south and they somehow land on his belt and her right hand starts undoing his belt. His eyes snap open and alarm bells go off in his mind. He wants this so much, he’s a guy after all, but he can’t go through it and he has to gently push her hands off him, which results in her stopping the good kissing and looking at him confused and hurt.

He chuckles at her nervously and brings them up to a standing position. Combined with his lack of adequate training in this department (he can’t remember a time when he truly cared for someone as he cares for Kira, and therefore doesn’t know how to properly handle the situation) and his fear of screwing up this good thing which he has, makes him as lost as he ever was. He quickly makes up an excuse that he has to be somewhere else, and runs out of the school as quickly as his legs will allow him to.

That night he paces around his apartment and looks at the phone every few seconds knowing that he has to explain his behavior, but not really having the courage to actually pick up the phone and dial the numbers. He doesn’t know how to say the words, or if he can even make them come out of his mouth. So, he spends minutes upon minutes trying to come up with an excuse for why he pushed her away. He loves her, but he’s afraid to be with her in that way because she’s the only who can make him care about anything and he cares about her opinion of him.

If they went ahead and did it, then that would mean they don’t care for each other. It makes perfect sense to him logically. You only have sex with people whom you don’t care for. But then he runs into a dilemma. What if you want to have sex with people you do care for? He then realizes that he does love Kira and that he wants to be on that level with her and if he looks at it that way, then the sex will not be meaningless. He then rushes out of his apartment in search of a florist shop and decides he’ll force out the words one way or another when he gets to Kira’s.

Maybe the flowers will inspire him to tell Kira that her beauty (her purity, goodness, innocence, and all the synonymous of those words in the world) frightens him and he doesn’t want to taint her with his jaded cynicism and carefree attitude. But he also knows that with her, it’ll be different. Everything with her is different and much more precious.